Rochas Okorocha, a man who has spent more money on statues
than he has on living human beings has now appointed his biological sister as
“Commissioner for Happiness and Couples’ Fulfilment”. What sin did Imo people
commit to deserve this embarrassment as their Governor?
And this Rochas, a man that so wants his people to be happy
that he creates a ministry for happiness for them nevertheless delays their
salaries and pensions. And when his unpaid workers and pensioners take to
keke-riding to augment their income, he bans that too. Apparently, Rochas has
provided enough statues to make them happy!
And the so-called commissioner for happiness is anything but
a happy camper. One could even ask whether she is commissioner for happiness or
commissioner for ANGER? Her public comments since her appointment project RAGE
rather than joy. Perhaps she should have been made Imo State’s commissioner for
DEFENCE?
To every unhappy Nigerian, do not worry. Happiness beckons
as Rochas Okorocha has announced that he will contest for President whenever
President Buhari’s tenure of unhappiness ends.
However, with this recent episode in the dramatic life of
Rochas, I am left with little choice but to conclude that Rochas Okorocha is a
perfect example of why all aspirants to high offices in Nigeria should submit
themselves for psychiatric evaluation before being permitted to contest.
But coming back to reality though, these are the types of
tales you expect to see being dramatised in badly written Nollywood movies of
the Idumota variety. Now I know what people mean when they say that no matter
how strange fiction is, reality is often stranger than fiction.
Governor Okorocha and the All Progressives Congress have
shown such monumental cluelessness that even I, an opposition politician, am
ashamed for them, because obviously, they have no capacity to feel shame.
Coming on the heels of Okorocha’s joke of a government, we
were regaled by the Presidency with the news that President Buhari had
‘commissioned’ the release of 500 inmates of Kano Central Prison.
I kid you not! In fact, the tweet by the President’s
spokesman reads as follows (and this is a direct quote):
“President @MBuhari commissions the release of 500 inmates
pardoned by Kano State Government at the Kurmawa prison. #PMBinKano.”
Obviously, the spokesperson, Bashir Ahmad, does not have a
heart for his job, because he deleted the tweet from his TL on @BashirAhmaad
after he got pilloried by angry Nigerians.
But what has Nigeria done to deserve such leaders? Leaders
who major on the minor and minor on the major.
Not only did it take President Muhammadu Buhari forever to
respond to the atrocious treatment of Nigerians and other Sub-Saharan Africans
in Libya, the President betrayed his deep ignorance of the state of affairs in
Nigeria when he expressed wonder at what Nigerians were going to do in Libya.
President Buhari said he is sad that Nigerians are being
sold like goats in Libya. He must have forgotten that his army killed 347
Nigerian Shiite men, women, children and infants, then buried them in a mass
grave like goats. Has he done anything to those who committed that act? So how
is he better than the Libyans?
The President asked why Nigerian go to Libya. What choice do
they have? Are they safer in Nigeria than in Libya?
If Boko Haram does not slaughter them, herdsmen will kill
them. If SARS doesn’t shoot them, the chief of army staff may send them to the
great beyond for blocking his route. If APC does not finish them with
joblessness, APC will finish them by increasing the cost of petrol, electric
and food. And even if you guys have jobs, your APC Governor may prefer to use
your salaries to erect statues for leaders of distant lands. If all of that
does not happen, kidnappers are there to fulfil all righteousness. So, Mr.
President, please don’t ask such an obvious question!
Many of those who are actually making the perilous journey
to Europe through the Sahara desert via Libya belong to those described by President
Buhari as the disfavoured 5%.
After having been told by the man to whom they looked up to
for leadership that they were not his priorities, should anyone be surprised
that people from the South-south and South-east began checking out?
And speaking of leadership, if you want to know the
difference between a leader and a dealer, all you need to do is compare
President Uhuru Kenyatta’s inaugural speech with that of President Buhari. To
help you, I have quoted the relevant portions below:
“I undertake to be the keeper of the aspirations of both
those who voted for me and those who did not”- President Uhuru Kenyatta.
Now compare it with the following,
“The constituents who gave me 97% cannot in all honesty be
treated on some issues with constituencies that gave me 5%”-President Muhammadu
Buhari.
Now ask yourself if you will see a future for yourself in
Nigeria if you are from “the constituencies that gave me 5%”?
And that is why they are voting with their feet. In fact, to
many of them, Operations Python Dance and Crocodile Smile were the last straw.
Many of these long-suffering Nigerians had noted that even
where there was widespread killings and devastation by herdsmen and other
‘criminals’ (in Buhari’s Nigeria, you are only a terrorist if you are from the
5%). In the 97% areas, no military operations were unleashed there.
There is a lot I can write about the new and improved
Federal Republic of Nigeria under the leadership of President Muhammadu Buhari,
but let me end by quoting the conclusion of George Orwell’s Animal Farm:
“The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man
to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which
was which.”
Reno’s Nuggets
The only thing it should cost you to sleep with a woman is
love followed by marriage. As long as it cost you money to sleep with a woman,
she is a prostitute, whether or not you rebrand her girlfriend or fianceé. That
is why you should never marry a Slay Queen. When distance comes between you and
your Slay Queen, she will find another Wallet King. But when distance comes
between you and a true Pray Queen, she will find another way to reach you
#RenosNuggets.
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