Nollywood filmmaker, Dayo Amusa has disclosed her view about
women, who are held in bad relationships, thinking they can fix things. According
to Ms. Amusa, those women blame themselves for each and everything that goes
wrong, when their men refuse to change.
"I used to be a fixer. I stayed in bad relationships,
attracting the same type of men—men who needed to be fixed.
I know so many women in the same position. We attract
cheating men, commitment-phobic men, emotionally unavailable men, emotionally
damaged men, alcoholics, drug abusers, narcissists and sociopaths.
It’s like we are a magnet for men whose pieces are shattered
all over the place. And for some reason, we feel compelled to put these pieces
back together.
But I must admit, I have failed every single time.
I never gave myself a chance to sit back and question my
motives. Instead of asking why I constantly felt obligated to pick up someone
else’s broken pieces, I ran to pick them up without a second thought. Being
selfless made me think that coming second didn’t matter because I was putting
someone else’s worthiness first. And in the end, rank doesn’t matter, right?
I realized that the reason I was attracting these types of
men was because I believed I could save them.
As selfless, thoughtful, giving women, we think we will be
“that woman”—the one who will change them. We think we can turn a cheater into
a loyal boyfriend. We think we can help him walk away from the drugs and
alcohol. We believe we can help him get over his commitment issues and aim for
a stable future with us. We trust that we can get rid of the emotional baggage
that he has been carrying for years.
We attract these men because we believe they need us. And to
leave them would be selfish, insensitive and ruthless.
The sad news is, we constantly blame ourselves when they
don’t change. Every time they fail us, we think it’s because we failed them.
Their hold on us becomes stronger; they keep us around knowing they have
nothing to offer." She wrote.
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